If Only Things Were Different
by Simone17
Summary: "Who is Liam Dunn?"- 'Monster. Psychopath. Every woman's worst nightmare come to life. Your complete and total polar opposite.' All were true. But only one title summed in all up in a form Gibbs would understand and accept. "He's my ex-husband."


Another take of the scene from Finale #9. Just because I love it so. When the muse strikes, much less twice in the same week, I do not question it. Even when its the same scene from the same POV for the second time in a row. Besides, its all for fun right?

Again, my brilliance amazes me all the time, but NCIS was sadly the product of someone else's.

Thanks to the greatest beta and best friend in the world. You rock!

* * *

I knew my text would have him panicking. Or as panicked as Gibbs gets in any case. It would give him a shiver of the taste of the fear coating my mouth.

Never one to let anyone know his emotions- though never one to spare them from his bad moods- He strode into my office the same way he always did. One foot directly in front of the other, a straight unwavering line, no easy feat for someone under as much stress and pressure as he was. A lingering trace of his ole' Marine swagger that would never leave him, not cocky...but confident-that's a fine line not many men can toe successfully, between arrogance and sexy. But God, Gibbs walked it like he owned it.

I shoved the files into my bag a little faster, at this rate he will have talked me out of going before he even made it into the room. Or saying a word for that matter. I swear, if that man ever finds out how much hold he has over me- I'm screwed.

"Hey. You okay?" He sounded so causal I almost snapped at him for it, but I reigned myself in. I knew better. I knew 'him' better that to take his words and tone at face value. With Gibbs there was always so much going on behind the scenes. That's what made him so...Gibbs. And distracting, did I mention how distracting he was?

Time to bite the proverbial bullet. I handed him the page. Even I was surprised at how steady my hands were- considering I was a nervous wreck and a worried mother conveniently packaged in an all-in-one paranoid gift basket of heartwarming mental illness.

"Who is Liam Dunn?"

Monster. Psychopath. Every woman's worst nightmare come to life. Your complete and total polar opposite.-All were true. But only one title summed in all up in a form Gibbs would understand and accept.

"He's my ex-husband."

"Yeah, and?"

A conversation between Jethro and an average person, in the best of circumstances, was what I would imagine having you teeth removed with a pair of stiff rusted pliers feels like. Which is why I absolutely LOVED talking to the man. He was a challenge, and yet a genuine joy to be around... Once you got to know him, luckily for me, my profession helped me get past the beginner levels and straight to the good stuff.

I focused on that instead if the 'yeah, and?' as in he already knew who he was. I wasn't really surprised. Tony always said, Gibbs knows everything. Call me crazy, but I like that about the man.

"He was released from prison today. By a federal judge on a bogus technicality." Was that anger in my voice,? You're damn right it was. I had spent years working to get that man out of our lives and worked even harder to keep him out. Only for it to be undone so easily on the whim of some psycho billionaire with an axe to grind and too much pride for grief therapy.

"Bad timing?" This from the man who doesn't believe in coincidence.

"Timing had nothing to do with it." Of that I was positive. But of course, he just had to ask.

"Parker's father was in prison for a reason. A very good reason." I'd never forget the things he had done. I just wasn't ready to share them all with Gibbs just yet. "He hurts people."

I couldn't meet his eyes when I said that, if I did he would put way to much together. He already knew I had been abused, neither of us were ready for him to know the rest. Not yet.

"Your safe." So simple, so sure. It wasn't a promise, not yet anyway. But she could tell in his voice it was a promise he'd be more than willing to make. If only she'd let him.

If it were only her, she probably would. But Pa-

"Parker's safe." Oh great, now _he_ was reading _her _mind.

"I can promise that."

Whoa. There it was. Suddenly there was so much more to this conversation. He wasn't just trying to reassure her. He was prepared to take a major step forward in their relationship, a relationship that up till this point she had tried to keep distant from Parker.

Of course that hadn't worked out well. Parker really was too smart for his own good, just as Gibbs was too stubborn for his own. And hers. So much alike her boys.

She wanted nothing more that to take him up on that promise, to let him protect her and her son. But old habits die hard. _'The only person you can depend on is yourself.'_

And besides, Liam wasn't Gibbs' fight.

"You can't promise that. I know you want to Gibbs, but you can't." She had to go. NOW. He was really persuasive. All blue eyes and silver tongued devil.

"This is like classic head gamer stuff, Doc. Don't let Dearing inside your head!" Okay, first of all; classic head gamer stuff?- way too much time with McGee and Dinozzo.

Second, she was very well aware of that! She wasn't stupid after all!

Just great, add anger and annoyance to her every growing list of raging emotions.

"Dearing bought the judge!" She dared him to try and deny it. This was too well thought out to be coincidence. "He played me!" If she wasn't so scared it would have pissed her off. She hated being played!

"And he won." Yeah, she was pissed alright. Give her time to regroup, get Parker safe, and Dearing would be paying dearly for messing with her. Throw in an angry mother bear and she'd have him running to NCIS for protection.

"No. He hasn't won anything." She knew she'd never win this argument. She'd only sent word to him because she was scared and him being around, even challenging her, made her feel safe.

_If only things were different._

"I'm taking Parker. There's nothing else you can do." She knew he'd understand. On some level at least. Her son came first.

"I've gotta go." Quick, short, to the point. That was the plan.

Till he grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him.

Suddenly her heart, which she had thought was she had locked away safe and hidden. Was being ripped apart in her chest. If it was only her at stake, she would have turned into his arms and never left.

A mother first and foremost. Since the moment they laid him in her arms, and till the day they laid her in the ground. Even if it broke her heart, even of it killed her.

"SECNAV will know where I am."

"This isn't the answer." He had asked her to stay, even if he hadn't said the words. But if this was the only way for her to feel safe. She knew he would let her go.

Oh, those eyes. They were begging her to change her mind, to take a risk. He wanted it all, with her and Parker. And God help her she wanted it too! So much that she couldn't breathe.

He had been an amazing father once. To a beautiful little blue eyed girl. And he'd be as wonderful a dad now as he was then. Maybe even better. And for a moment her heart ached not only for what she was giving up, but what Parker could have been blessed with as well.

_Damn you Gibbs!_

So she did the only thing a woman in her position could. She forced a smile and then she kissed him. Deep and brief, not a goodbye, but rather something to remain undetermined. Unfinished. Like them.

She didn't, couldn't look back. Afraid of what she'd see, afraid that the man who'd help her become so much stronger than he would ever know, would also make her weak.

As she walked away, she let herself say the words. Just this once. Because she couldn't afford to give anything more.

"_I love you." _

* * *

As always, I'm dying to know what you think. If you flame me, I strongly suggest you don't leave you info with your comment, I will respond. Violently. _  
_


End file.
